The Happenings Underneath: 2011

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Well, why?

Why do I do this? Because... it is true. I am putting myself out there. I am afraid of my head being lobbed off! Thanks Trista. But seriously. Why? What is the worst that could happen? Someone will read my words and spit on their computer screen? Cause an electrical fire somewhere? What? I don't know. Do. DO. do. Do. dO> DO!

I am tired of putting it off, whatever "it" may be.

I am tired of looking back and realizing missed opportunities, for when I let them slide by, I am fully aware, yet something holds me back. Something in my subconscious. Something I must conquer, or maybe even envelope, in order to be whole.

I need to follow my north star. Wherever that takes me. Follow my heart. And just DO! Yaya. I like that. I'm a do-er. They say that if you tell yourself you're something you aspire to be, then you will become. I'm a freaking Do-er. I like the sounds of that. No fear, just do. Sweeeeeeeet:)

Epic Fail

Gosh... I really feel like a failure. Like, when I was a kid, I had all these dreams. I dreamed I would marry an undeserving millionaire and divorce him and take half his cash and then marry for love. Bahaha. Yes, I'm pretty sure that was me. But still, I wanted to be a judge, but then realized I had to be a lawyer first and changed my mind. I wanted to be a doctor, but there is just so much school involved. I want to be healthy, but working out takes so much effort. I want to be a counselor, but the fear of failing overwhelms me. It appears as though I am very afraid of failure. Well, if FDR had it, and there is nothing to fear but fear itself, then why can't I get that into my thick skull? I'm probably afraid. I have been trying to blog for centuries... ok, no, not centuries, but quite a while. Keyword: Try. From the wise words of Yoda himself, "do or do not there is no try". I try, and when I fail, I tell myself, at least I tried. NO! This is not acceptable, and shouldn't be. I deserve to do, for me. I scare myself out of accomplishing my own dreams. Now, I'm madly in love with someone without a monetary fortune;)

A little about me...

So..... To begin. Goodness. I get so tongue tied when I begin to think of everything that everyone else will think when they read through my blog, however, I shouldn't think that way! haha. So, I am going to regurgitate my words as soon as they reach my mind and try to limit my relationship with the delete key. Ok... So, where to begin? That is the question... I guess I will give a little tidly bit about myself and my life. My name is Natalie Rae Cummings, I am currently 22 years old. I am alive and I love to live. I reside in Oregon City where my Momma so generously let me move back into after an umm.... for now, we'll say "eventful" roommate experience. It feels good to be home. I love my family very much. My sister Chanel is an awesome human being. She is beautiful inside and out. She's 16, living through the treacherousness that being a 16 year old girl entails... But she's literally so awesome. She explores the depths of the universe and yet her soul is still as pure as the snow from the highest mountain top. Then there's Mikey. He's currently got 14 years under his belt. He is what you might call, a jock. He wrestles, plays football and baseball and is badass at any position he plays due to his intense knowledge of the game. He is a kind heart and he lives every second in the present which is admirable to say the least. Then there's Desiree. She's 20 and currently attends cosmetology school at the Beau Monde in Portland, Or. She is pretty much amazing at every endeavor she undertakes there. She's so far ahead of her class that she can pretty much sleep, with her eyes open, and get away with it. But she's awesome and although we haven't hung out lately, I know that she's hopelessly in love and soon, she will be able to integrate that more easily into her life so that she has time for other things besides her love. Then we have our Momma. She is someone who has devoted her entire life to raising us kids. I think that we are grateful to the extent that we know how to be grateful, however, in time we will realize just how much she has given up for us. But she is an amazing person who has endured so many trials in her life and successfully come out with a deeper perspective of life, while managing to not blow her brains out, when many a lesser man/woman probably would have. I admire my mom. Our pops past away about 7 years ago. He was 41. But he was an awesome human. He loved us in every way he knew how and left us due to ascending cholengitis on a brisk November morning. We have learned to accept that he is separated from us in physical form, but he lives on through us. We love him very much. Of course there's Cacy, or Addrian Marcus Orssten. He is the love of my life. I've known he was the one since we first had coffee. He has been the most deliciously refreshing breath of fresh air I've ever experienced. I just truly love him and want to give him my best, the best of me, of my love, of my life because he is surely the best in EVERY way. I hope I can make him as happy as he makes me. Lastly, we have our pets. The many fish who somehow stay alive in the tank with sporadic feeding schedules, our two dogs, disco and benson. Disco is a chihuaha slash... ummm... mut, and Benson is a scruffy tailed black shitzu-poo. They are little rascals. Disco is notorious for mounting Benson when he least expects it, but don't think that he takes it laying down, oh no. Benson is a fighter. Yet, despite the obvious sexual frustration Disco lives with, they are still inseperable. They just recently went on an excursion around town and we were forced to pay the fines of having the city pick them up... but that's a whole other entry... Whew, what an experience. Ok. Yea, so to continue on with the slew of animals which inhabit our dwelling space... There's Ignacio Alejandro Oscar Ramirez, aka Nacho. He's my cat. He was found outside Autotown in Milwaukie when I used to work there, pretty much abandoned, and took him in and loved him into the kick ass cat that he is. Then there is Maya, who was adopted through craigslist, she's wild. Has had many litters, which of the many, have died and been buried in our backyard, which is sad. Oh geez, here I go, too much info... oh well. I'm steering clear of that delete key. lol. So, of all the littlers Maya has birthed, there's Winston, and Chino who've lived. And we also have Bella, who was Desiree's cat from when she moved out, but Mom was forced to adopt. So that's me and my fam in a nutshell.

Welcome to my world...

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Well, why?

Epic Fail